July first is less than a week away. Halfway 2015
Hard to believe.
My main New Year's resolution was to look better after
myself. It hasn't really worked out the way I intended it to go.
I started anti-depressants just before the turn of the New
Year. I needed to take the edge a bit of my border case living. I needed to
find some peace and space in my head. I wanted to create a place where I could start dealing with some of the challenges in my life rather than fight the symptoms.
It worked for a couple of months.
Afterwards, my weeks seemed to become very monotonous. I don't function in
the grey. I need colour.
I need passion in my life.
In April I slowly weaned myself off the antidepressants. One
quarter a week.
It worked. I coped well for a couple of weeks.
I thought.
Often the people around us see our depression quicker than we do. While I was
on Meds I didn't want to make the changes I need to make to find peace between
my emotions, thinking and living. I thought people would not believe me. The
problem with not making the necessary changes is that I ended up living with all the
same ingredients still in my bowl of life.
The result: I turned in another depressive cupcake.
I haven't been kind to myself. I still believe I need to
fight my own fights all the time. I still see antidepressants as something for
the weak and needy. I feel ashamed that I am starting meds again.
I am running two startups in a notoriously difficult country
to get anything done. I live in the midst of rocky and shaky
relationships. I live in a country which isn't home. I have no family near...
I need to give myself a break. Do you need to give yourself
a break?
Half way in the year I am back at square one. Back in a
place I don't want to be.
Try to enjoy the journey and worry less about
the outcome.
What's next? Changes - slowly and non impulsive.
Connect:
