Never let fear rule your decisions. Fear is a terrible
advisor.
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| Port Elizabeth from the Bay |
My first night on the street, I was scared... maybe scared
like I have never been before. I was lying on the sidewalk next to my friend
Alfred, an homeless man who I have met twice before. I started thinking about
murder, rape, torture... my mind was full of fear. People drove by and stopped
to look at us - like zoo animals. People shouted at us.
Drunk men walked by and slowed down when they passed us.
Every muscle in my body tensed up as I thought they would kick me in the back
and rob me. Instead they just laughed and walked by.
I sat with my sleeping bag around me gazing at passing cars.
People who drove past either ignored me or looked at me and shook their heads in
disapproval of who I was. What I was doing in their city? I am not sure, but I
felt less than human.
At 3a.m. fear got the better of me. I had seen an arrest, a
private security company chase thieves around the corner, been invited to
partake in intimate practises with a homeless man... I was shaking. Every noise
- and on the street there are many - freaked me out. I had only slept for 2
hours. The homeless guy next to me was completely passed out. I wanted to stay
longer, but I was loosing control over my mind at a rapid rate. Fear has a way
of stopping us from thinking rationally. (Tweet This) Everything became worse than it was.
The consequences in my fearful mind of staying any longer would be certain
death.
When has fear ruled your decisions?
I got up and walked swiftly to my car which was parked a
couple of blocks down. Out of breath I dived in my haven of safety. I felt at
peace again. I wanted to go out again, but I couldn't. Today the thought of
lying in the street so vulnerable makes me scared again.
Will I go out again?... I hope so. The plan is to go back on
Friday and start making this into a weekly activity for a season. I need to
face my fear.
Which fears do you need to conquer? Which fears do you need to face up
to? (Tweet This)
